Tuesday, April 14, 2009
Saturday, March 28, 2009
In LA CA
Since I'm the only one living in LA, I feel obligated to inform y'all about what it's like. This song is it. I'll actually be outside her address from now on, forever.
Sunday, February 22, 2009
Oscars: More Like Boo
I’ve been meaning to write about my strong frustration with the Oscars this year, but due to my long wait, I was beaten to the punch. Not only was I beaten temporally, but this eloquent and cogent argument trumps my own ham-handed thoughts. The article nails it, and I wish I had been on it first. Nonetheless, since Oscar Sunday is one of my favorite days of the year, I want to share some thoughts on why I find the Oscar films disturbing this year.
First of all, let’s dismiss the usual Oscar dismissals of “the best film/actor/actress never wins” and “it’s all a big publicity stunt” because, while those criticisms are true, the Oscars still say a lot about Hollywood and Hollywood gives us most of our movies and movies are the most important thing in the world. Everybody checks in on the Oscars a little bit, even if only as a prop to support their own opinions (Gladiator was awesome! Yaw!).
Since I could really rant forever, I’ll try to limit myself to the best picture category that is especially irking me. My main problem is twofold: I don’t want to see any of the best picture nominees and two of the best films of the year, including the best, are not nominated. I will grudgingly admit that I haven’t seen a single best picture contender, as this does somewhat weaken my position. On the other hand, no one has to twist my arm to get me to a movie and you would have to nearly snap all my limbs to get $60 out of my pocket to see those five losers. The films are like an Oscar joke on a bad SNL. Four of the films are historical dramas where a good documentary or book would be just as entertaining (in the case of Milk and Frost/Nixon, these other forms exist). And Slumdog Millionaire looks like something you’d settle for if the Wong Kar-Wei film you really wanted to see was all rented out. Benjamin Button is written by the screenwriter of Forrest Gump and looks like it’s appealing for the same reasons, and I don’t need to see anything like Forrest Gump ever again.
But I’m beating around the bush. There just isn’t any reason to see these movies other than their nominations and the fact that they are being honored implies that these are the best things that films had to offer in 2008. It may seem a trifle populist of me, but my best films of 2008 are The Dark Knight and WALL-E in that order. You could look at that and say that I’ve forgotten the little film, that if the Academy doesn’t honor these smaller films we’ll be left with Paul Blart (for no reason, I want to note that replacing The Reader and Frost/Nixon with my movies would increase the number of people who had seen one of the nominated films by SIX TIMES!!!). It doesn’t change anything about small films to honor boring ones and potentially creates a backlash, further ghettoizing good small films to the far reaches of DVD and non-existence.
This post is too long, so I don’t want to talk about why those films are so good and instead just acknowledge that they weren’t nominated because one is about a superhero and the other is animated. If we only see our good works as this narrow slice, we are left with mediocrity on a year like this. I’ll watch these Oscars, but I’m frowning a lot.
Geez, what a downer I am! When is baseball season starting already?
P.S. Feel free to respond, I'm interested in comments. For all you readers out there...
First of all, let’s dismiss the usual Oscar dismissals of “the best film/actor/actress never wins” and “it’s all a big publicity stunt” because, while those criticisms are true, the Oscars still say a lot about Hollywood and Hollywood gives us most of our movies and movies are the most important thing in the world. Everybody checks in on the Oscars a little bit, even if only as a prop to support their own opinions (Gladiator was awesome! Yaw!).
Since I could really rant forever, I’ll try to limit myself to the best picture category that is especially irking me. My main problem is twofold: I don’t want to see any of the best picture nominees and two of the best films of the year, including the best, are not nominated. I will grudgingly admit that I haven’t seen a single best picture contender, as this does somewhat weaken my position. On the other hand, no one has to twist my arm to get me to a movie and you would have to nearly snap all my limbs to get $60 out of my pocket to see those five losers. The films are like an Oscar joke on a bad SNL. Four of the films are historical dramas where a good documentary or book would be just as entertaining (in the case of Milk and Frost/Nixon, these other forms exist). And Slumdog Millionaire looks like something you’d settle for if the Wong Kar-Wei film you really wanted to see was all rented out. Benjamin Button is written by the screenwriter of Forrest Gump and looks like it’s appealing for the same reasons, and I don’t need to see anything like Forrest Gump ever again.
But I’m beating around the bush. There just isn’t any reason to see these movies other than their nominations and the fact that they are being honored implies that these are the best things that films had to offer in 2008. It may seem a trifle populist of me, but my best films of 2008 are The Dark Knight and WALL-E in that order. You could look at that and say that I’ve forgotten the little film, that if the Academy doesn’t honor these smaller films we’ll be left with Paul Blart (for no reason, I want to note that replacing The Reader and Frost/Nixon with my movies would increase the number of people who had seen one of the nominated films by SIX TIMES!!!). It doesn’t change anything about small films to honor boring ones and potentially creates a backlash, further ghettoizing good small films to the far reaches of DVD and non-existence.
This post is too long, so I don’t want to talk about why those films are so good and instead just acknowledge that they weren’t nominated because one is about a superhero and the other is animated. If we only see our good works as this narrow slice, we are left with mediocrity on a year like this. I’ll watch these Oscars, but I’m frowning a lot.
Geez, what a downer I am! When is baseball season starting already?
P.S. Feel free to respond, I'm interested in comments. For all you readers out there...
Saturday, February 21, 2009
Things That Everyone Enjoys Because They Are Inherently Good
Many of you may be familiar with the internet phenom "Stuff White People Like". For those who are not, let me illuminate your world to the inner workings of this cultural milestone:
It is an internet blog that each day lists something that is inherently good and/or enjoyable, then ironically mocks us for appreciating the inherent goodness of it in the most mundane, unimaginative structure.
Recently I was reading this because my mom, bless her heart, purchased me a book of 300 or so of these blogs for Christmas. This book, in its quest to catalog the habits and interests of the illusive White Person, tries to maintain constant objectivity. Being that white people are fans of both good, clever writing, and things that make them laugh, this book goes to great lengths to avoid such typical pitfalls. Here are some examples of things that white people should feel guilty about liking, because the mere act of enjoying them verifies beyond any shadow of a doubt that we are, in fact, inarguably white:
Dogs
Sarah Silverman
International Travel
Indie Music
In retaliation, I have decided to develop my own internet blog phenomenon. I am entitling it, to avoid any sort of lawsuit: Things That Everyone Enjoys Because They Are Inherently Good.
This blog will focus on unironically listing things that are universally agreed upon being enjoyable, beneficial, or good in some way. Instead of mocking white culture for being white culture, this is going to be a daily affirmation that you are, in fact, a person, and as such enjoy things, and that there is nothing wrong with that.
Day 1:
Food. People like food, because it keeps us alive. It also, in many instances, tastes favorably, and removes pains in our stomachs. Pains are not fun to have, so something that counteracts pain is good.
Day 2:
Houses. People like houses because they give us a place to sleep. Because of this, we often do not die from hypothermia. Also, houses have bathrooms with showers, so we have a place to put our pee and poo when we no longer want it, and can clean ourselves periodically.
Day 3:
Sexual Intercourse. People are pretty in to this activity because it often results in one or more of the participants achieving an orgasm. Wikipedia defines Orgasm as " the conclusion of the plateau phase of sexual response cycle". Lil' John defines an orgasm as "Skeet skeet skeet skeet".
People like intercourse because not only is it pretty sweet, but it can result in kids, when deemed appropriate. However, sometimes, people get kids they did not want. This can be tragic, in the case of dumpster babies, or whimsical and charming, in the case of Juno.
It is an internet blog that each day lists something that is inherently good and/or enjoyable, then ironically mocks us for appreciating the inherent goodness of it in the most mundane, unimaginative structure.
Recently I was reading this because my mom, bless her heart, purchased me a book of 300 or so of these blogs for Christmas. This book, in its quest to catalog the habits and interests of the illusive White Person, tries to maintain constant objectivity. Being that white people are fans of both good, clever writing, and things that make them laugh, this book goes to great lengths to avoid such typical pitfalls. Here are some examples of things that white people should feel guilty about liking, because the mere act of enjoying them verifies beyond any shadow of a doubt that we are, in fact, inarguably white:
Dogs
Sarah Silverman
International Travel
Indie Music
In retaliation, I have decided to develop my own internet blog phenomenon. I am entitling it, to avoid any sort of lawsuit: Things That Everyone Enjoys Because They Are Inherently Good.
This blog will focus on unironically listing things that are universally agreed upon being enjoyable, beneficial, or good in some way. Instead of mocking white culture for being white culture, this is going to be a daily affirmation that you are, in fact, a person, and as such enjoy things, and that there is nothing wrong with that.
Day 1:
Food. People like food, because it keeps us alive. It also, in many instances, tastes favorably, and removes pains in our stomachs. Pains are not fun to have, so something that counteracts pain is good.
Day 2:
Houses. People like houses because they give us a place to sleep. Because of this, we often do not die from hypothermia. Also, houses have bathrooms with showers, so we have a place to put our pee and poo when we no longer want it, and can clean ourselves periodically.
Day 3:
Sexual Intercourse. People are pretty in to this activity because it often results in one or more of the participants achieving an orgasm. Wikipedia defines Orgasm as " the conclusion of the plateau phase of sexual response cycle". Lil' John defines an orgasm as "Skeet skeet skeet skeet".
People like intercourse because not only is it pretty sweet, but it can result in kids, when deemed appropriate. However, sometimes, people get kids they did not want. This can be tragic, in the case of dumpster babies, or whimsical and charming, in the case of Juno.
Sunday, December 28, 2008
And my pick for Artist of the Year is....
Vocoder!
People who know me are aware I can be very out of touch with music at times. I have never been a devotee to radio, music television, or the internet blogosphere circle jerk that is Amateur Criticism. I do, however, occasionally turn on BET, and I am a better person for doing so.
On my last endeavor into the land of Shout-outs and Hollas, I was astonished to see the resurgence of the career of the Vocoder. He reigned supreme in the 90s, scoring guest appearances on "hard" rock songs, over-the-hill transvestite revivals, and car commercial jingles. However, since then, he has been relatively dormant.
That is, until, a small group of urban underdogs, or "Black People", invited Vocoder to the coveted "Featuring" heading on several hit singles this last year. Vocoder, singing primarily during the choruses, transformed the mundane to irritating, the sincere to absurd, the fierce to the flamboyant, and the listenable to the laughable.
A star was re-born.
Amazingly, Vocoder hasn't released any new material this year, and yet has been featured on every rap, hip-hop, and R and B single in 2008*. This feat alone would be inspirational enough, but knowing the Vocoders young upstart roots, is made all the more impressive.
*This is based on empirical data acquired through eight consecutive minutes of watching BET. It is 100% accurate with a + or - zero margin of error.
People who know me are aware I can be very out of touch with music at times. I have never been a devotee to radio, music television, or the internet blogosphere circle jerk that is Amateur Criticism. I do, however, occasionally turn on BET, and I am a better person for doing so.
On my last endeavor into the land of Shout-outs and Hollas, I was astonished to see the resurgence of the career of the Vocoder. He reigned supreme in the 90s, scoring guest appearances on "hard" rock songs, over-the-hill transvestite revivals, and car commercial jingles. However, since then, he has been relatively dormant.
That is, until, a small group of urban underdogs, or "Black People", invited Vocoder to the coveted "Featuring" heading on several hit singles this last year. Vocoder, singing primarily during the choruses, transformed the mundane to irritating, the sincere to absurd, the fierce to the flamboyant, and the listenable to the laughable.
A star was re-born.
Amazingly, Vocoder hasn't released any new material this year, and yet has been featured on every rap, hip-hop, and R and B single in 2008*. This feat alone would be inspirational enough, but knowing the Vocoders young upstart roots, is made all the more impressive.
*This is based on empirical data acquired through eight consecutive minutes of watching BET. It is 100% accurate with a + or - zero margin of error.
Monday, December 8, 2008
Podcast!
http://wfmu.org/podcast
I like these. Anti-static is all 90s indie pop gems. I like Do or DIY the best. Lovely and weird. P.S. Are you familiar with the Zack Galifianakis 5-year old who doesn't like having a beard? If not, google that shit. And then start saying the word weird in the style of a five year old who doesn't like having a beard. Have faith. Also, applying for jobs is unhandjobulous.
Also, sometimes you need the right hand for the job: Far left column, 2nd from the top. Get it? Don't know how to link straight to the picture in question. Also note the fuh.. of the man with his hands in the soup. Glorious!
HA!
I'm a professional blogger.
I like these. Anti-static is all 90s indie pop gems. I like Do or DIY the best. Lovely and weird. P.S. Are you familiar with the Zack Galifianakis 5-year old who doesn't like having a beard? If not, google that shit. And then start saying the word weird in the style of a five year old who doesn't like having a beard. Have faith. Also, applying for jobs is unhandjobulous.
Also, sometimes you need the right hand for the job: Far left column, 2nd from the top. Get it? Don't know how to link straight to the picture in question. Also note the fuh.. of the man with his hands in the soup. Glorious!
HA!
I'm a professional blogger.
Thursday, December 4, 2008
Monday, December 1, 2008
Sunday, November 30, 2008
Return to blogging
I have been out of the whole blogosphere for quite some time here. Those familiar with my previous work both with Myspace and Blogger.com will recall classic posts such as "Sex with Horses" and "I hate dancing".
I was planning on posting here, just to get this site moving, but then I realized that I have lost that magic spark. My fingertips feel rusty as they click away at these keys. My brain is cloudy from its recent abuse.
Due to the proverbial well running dry, I have opted to employ a new tactic: reverse blogging. By this, I mean I am going to come up with titles first, then make up the content based on that.
Suffice it to say, great things are coming. Here is a preview of future posts:
All I want for Christmas is to gangbang your mom
Literal is the new Ironic
Handjobs are the new Tittiefucking
Reclaiming the mustache
In case any one was wondering how Matt Shiel's Thanksgiving went, he reportedly "Just left some New Jersey in the toilet".
I was planning on posting here, just to get this site moving, but then I realized that I have lost that magic spark. My fingertips feel rusty as they click away at these keys. My brain is cloudy from its recent abuse.
Due to the proverbial well running dry, I have opted to employ a new tactic: reverse blogging. By this, I mean I am going to come up with titles first, then make up the content based on that.
Suffice it to say, great things are coming. Here is a preview of future posts:
All I want for Christmas is to gangbang your mom
Literal is the new Ironic
Handjobs are the new Tittiefucking
Reclaiming the mustache
In case any one was wondering how Matt Shiel's Thanksgiving went, he reportedly "Just left some New Jersey in the toilet".
Saturday, November 29, 2008
Workin' It Out
Needless to say, it's really important that MBFYS gets off on the right foot. For this joy-related post, I submit a definition.
Handjobulous - 1) a person, place, or thing so wonderful that it reminds you of your last HJ; 2) any film or films containing Vin Diesel and/or characters named Riddick.
Enjoy!
Handjobulous - 1) a person, place, or thing so wonderful that it reminds you of your last HJ; 2) any film or films containing Vin Diesel and/or characters named Riddick.
Enjoy!
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